Hear I Go Google!

Monday, December 28, 2009

20-10 Visions: Don't Let the Aughts go for Naught

A decade of decadence. A span of spam-filled E-mails from Nigeria. A quest for queries that made little difference to the malaise of life. A cadre of crass-filled, celeb-ME! quirky shows that made you vomit, or you ogled them more intently in utter disbelief. A boom-bust cycle for bankers from Bali to Bombay to Boston. A gaggle of whatcha-think-of-this websites where Google reigned surpeme.

Oh yes, the Aughts were a fun-filled, debt-laden, country-screwed-up-on-celebrity time. The Roarin' Twenties Redux?

As 2010 hits you in the face, with the problem of writing the date right, unless you have that all automated in your life, now, we hope again that the New Year brings hope and answers. Normally, it is a time to tighten up, get on swole, and flip da scrip, without blaming others for your flab, drab, and shabby life. (Another facet of the Aughts: language is changin' fast and TTYL, LOL, ROFL, BRB and POS borrowed from the acronym-laden computer field.)

From Lily Allen's The Fear:

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When we think it will all become clear

‘ Cuz I’m being taken over by The Fear


People fear A LOT these days. Governments. Economic Woe. The Loss of Community while being sucked into the rabbit hole of the internet via Google and Facebook. 2012...

Yet, "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself" to worry about.

The days and decade ahead should be one of fantastic visions filled with some version of what we want to become as people. And how we should figure out and live on the best path to a environmentally friendly, economically-beneficial and everyone-is-included situation? Clean up our act. Spend wisely. Think about future ramifications.

Of course, some will deny any changes need to be made at all, even after some of the more drastic events of the past decade. (Katrina & New Orleans, A Multi-Trillion-dollar banking meltdown, Oil price fluxuations, costly guerrilla wars in the Middle East, and BRIC's rise in economic dominance.)

So what can we do? What should we do to make the aughts lessons leap forward into the teens?

Self-improvement. Ben Franklin had his method for getting the most out of his life. He spent 2 years (approximately) working on these things. (from mysimplerlife.com):

1.TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
2. SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
3. ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
4. RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
5. FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
6. INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
7. SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
8. JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
9. MODERATION. Avoid extreams; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
10. CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.
11. TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
12. CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.
13. HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.


If we can do these things half as good as Franklin, we probably will be a much better person to be around. We aught to do better in life.

My personal resolution: Start a Publishing business by forming an LLC. (In process.) It will center around sports and personal stories related to sports endeavors, at first. Hopefully, it will also take advantage of green technologies, like Kindle, instead of printing more books than are really needed. Downloadable files instead of a printed copy. Audio books in the near future. And whatever else seems to work.

For others: Maybe you have a hidden talent or a penchant for certain things or ideas. Utilize them more. Create something. Innovate it. Make America (I am an American) better in the teens. The world has gotten our Capitalistic message loud and clear. And they are doing things elsewhere we seemingly could never dream of. Education is a key too.We need to promote it, fund it and find a way to get those eager youths coming up with amazing technology that will annoy the best of us - and freak out the narrow minded amongst us. No matter. We need those things.

Happy New Year and Decade!!! 2010!!!

Yahoo!!! (Ok, they are so 1990s...)

Friday, December 11, 2009

The Lie of the Tiger: Don't Quit Golf Because of a Lie

If I were advising Tiger Woods, I would tell him to stick to golfing and forget the wife. (Not the kids.)

Direct Conversation Style
"Mr. Woods. Look we all know (now) you had a cadre of classless concubines which is par for the course, of course, in infidelity. It took little imagination to round up the usual suspects in the 'I gotta have some companionship' while your wife and mother-in-law were getting on your very last nerve. The fact you did not get caught for several years while laying The Wood to these lucky ladies for an evening is to your credit, and shame.

Now, though, it is time to look forward instead of at the behinds you were waxing along the way to being the best golfer in the world. The world is not going to stop. Money can be remade. And it does zero good to stay in a loveless marriage.

How can I say loveless? Mr. Woods you must have married for the convenience of having a wife and kids. People in your circle - friends, you will say, but mostly parasitic playas - deemed it appropriate to have said wife. Need quality and breeding though, no bimbos need apply. So you did it - with zero committment to the plan. I can almost hear you say, after the honeymoon, "Now what?"

Aside from the game of golf, what have you ever excel at? You are very intelligent no doubt, but how does one get good at something that takes real work, communication, time, committment to succeed at? (Marriage not golf.)

Elin is now laying the wood to your life. Making demands. Give the "I'll leave, or else" order. Forget that. You have to see things for what they are. It's been a sham and a shameful expression of love on your part, but it will be a holy nightmare to stay with her now. You are not going to repair something that did not work all that well to begin with.

You got two young kids, very young, so young they won't know until they internet search these posts years from now. By then, you can be happier, married again (or not) and Elin can share the burden while sucking on your wallet until both kids are grown.

You can repair your image with tell-all books (and book deals) and Oprah appearances, etc. You can be the best playa on and off the course. That's up to you.

Or, you can be a miserable, imprisoned fool that will be reminded of your sins (transgressions) until St. Peter comes knocking.

I think you can still be a great man. It won't be with Elin around. But people forgive that don't have to know anything or do anything for you.

Think about it. Don't throw your club away for keeping a bent-out-of-shape wife. She is not worth the tournament of a lifetime."

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Christmas Wishes: Love, Actually....Not So Easy

When we come to the crossroads of Christmas & New Years Eve Avenue, the thoughts spinning in our minds have shifted many times, and in many ways. The shopping, the search for gifts for friends (and foes) alike, and the preparations to make it the best of Christmases have all circled our minds for a solid month. (Talk about time suck...)


For the single souls, the idea of making a love, actually connection also flies in for a weekender. The idea of a soulmate popping up in our busiest season when all people are rushing about for the hot games to play on the Xbox (I could go on some porn rant here, but I won't) seems a bit too Love, Are You Kidding Me?


I happened to be in the single DNA pool during the season. We all know why. No need to rush to that therapy couch, or dig up some old photos, or talk to someone that knew me from high school. It's obvious - and I've talked enough about it to give Dr. Phil/Dr. Oz brain cancer via auditory violations of their senses.


What I do know is I have substituted for love the various parts of interaction that constitute a relationship. For example, my interaction with girl #1 (Rita) typically is about education, books and whatever popular media is cooking up for our consumption. Woman #2 (Laura, sexism learned) is about sports & drinking and whatever her latest conquest is going to do for her. Woman, Chastity a.k.a. numbero tres, is a hottie that knows it, flaunts it, and wants a guy to pay for it - alimony I assume is in her tarot readings.

There are more, but you get the point. The pheromones attract me to bits and pieces of a ideal woman, the ones with scents of lilacs in their hair, or sweat-kissed lips that must send out a 50,000 watt signal to my turbocharger to rev up to 10,000 RPM. What I find is someone unavailable for future engagement.

I learned this tact from the Oakland A's. Substitute parts of a really killer team with Frankenstein parts of other orgs that don't fit into their team direction. This worked for them from 2001-2006. Now, however, they are trying to make a monster via trades and minors grooming....but anyways...you understand the philosophy, now to what I want for Christmas.

The soulmate would be funny, love sports, read and know what the hell is going on in Africa, Australia and Asia, like to travel, love sex, dreams and does what she dreams, and can stand me. (The last one is the deal killer, I know.)

She'd be attractive, not dolled up like some porcelain knock-off with hooker traits that you'd find in the West End. No, she'd be a girl (um, woman) I would think jeans, a white t-shirt without a boulder holder on, would suffice to pretty her up. And no, I ain't making this a sexual...thang.

We all like certain ideas - or as a classic rant from Bull Durham stated:


Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back,
the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are
self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I
believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the
designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening
your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long,
slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.


Amen brother. (Sontag, right)


To wit, we all have our wishes and dreams that can rarely be satisfied, especially during a Holiday season. They all spin around like some bad, old 45 in our heads. (I'm thinking: Don't Dream It's Over by Crowded House.) And they continue to spin because I really don't know what I have to offer to make the spinning game a exciting and fruitful and multiplying love life.
Oh, well Love actually isn't very easy.
In fact, it damn hard.
Happy Holidays!
Song I can't find online:
Just Jack, 'Smoke'. ( I like the sax playing...)
Facebook link to Phil Garant Mix is all I've found and ilike.