Being Left-Handed: Is it all it's crack up to be?

As a sufferer of this infirmity, I think it wise to say that we all have certain skills endow to us by The Creator (that crackhead-like presence that made this vast universe on this plane of existence.) But the advantages of being left-handed are outweighed by these things:

1. We die quicker. According to some study I read (well, heard about) we kick off 3-5 years before our right-hand brethren. I guess the stress of using scissors, school desks, screws, doors, watches, mouses, guitars (predominately right strung) and driving stick shifts, get all us lefties ready for a dirt nap sooner.

See quote below:

Handedness is a characteristic, obviously complex in its causation, that may prove amenable to analysis of genetic contribution when a full gene map has been developed (Williamson, 1986). It is a behavioral trait that may be a model for other behavioral traits, normal and abnormal. The observation that the proportion of left-handers in populations decreases with age, diminishing from 13% in 20-year-olds to less than 1% in 80-year-olds, led to the suggestion that sinistrality may be associated with decreased life span.

Reduced longevity in left-handers was also suggested by an archival study of records on 2,271 major-league baseball players (Halpern and Coren, 1988). In a questionnaire study of deceased persons identified through death certificates, Halpern and Coren (1991) found significantly more left-handers than right-handers among those who had died in accidents--a result consistent with earlier findings. Age of death in general was lower in left-handers and mixed-handers than in right-handers of either sex. Halpern and Coren (1991) stated that it is likely that the correlates of sinistrality, not sinistrality itself, are responsible for the increased risk; left-handedness may indicate covert neuropathologic features.

We are more likely to have schizophrenia or other "disorders" of the peanut...For some reason, going crazy is a left-hand disease. If not wrong (I could be) I believe the word left in Latin, Greek or Spanish carries evil (Sinister) connotations. So way back when, our ancestors decided that being left was being no good. Sucks doesn't it?

From the same source:

Schizophrenia (181500) and non-right-handedness are moderately associated, and both traits are often accompanied by abnormalities of asymmetrical brain morphology or function. Francks et al. (2003) found that in a sample of 191 reading-disabled sib pairs, the relative hand skill of sibs was correlated more strongly with paternal than maternal relative hand skill (p = 0.0000037 for paternal identity-by-descent sharing). Similarly, in affected sib-pair analysis of 241 schizophrenic sib pairs, the authors found linkage to schizophrenia for paternal sharing (lod = 4.72, p = 0.0000016) within 3 cM of the peak linkage to relative hand skill. Francks et al. (2003) suggested that the causative genetic effects on chromosome 2p12-q11 may be related, and they proposed that these linkages may be due to a single maternally imprinted influence on lateralized brain development that contains common functional polymorphisms.

3. DNA is right-handed. So that sucks too.

Anyways, August could be deemed Universal (national) left-hander month. It fits, since August is the only month that has 31 days after one with 31 days (July.)

To remember the days in the month, use your knuckles and spaces counting from the left and ending before the space to your thumb.

Please comment on your handedness. The more lefties I hear from, the better. Of course, lefthand people are said to be in their "right" mind. I'd probably be excluded from that group...

N.A.S.A.: I'm ready for my quals

In not so surprising news, it seems at least twice (I'd say many more times) NASA astronauts found it inconvenient to be sober while going up to stars. This is the latest in a series of body blows to the illustrious organization that for years was considered almost lilly white, except for some distant problems that I barely remember...

The airline flying motto of "8 hours bottle to throttle" was taken a little too liberally by our men/women in outerspace. With the recent female stalker incident (Lisa Marie Novak), I'd say pretty much anyone that goes through NASA is soon to be qualified for a trip up to the wild blue yonder loony bin, as this Yahoo! buzz passage reflects:

U.S. Navy captain Lisa Marie Nowak appeared in Florida after driving all night from Texas—a
ride that employed the aforementioned bathroom aid. There, she donned a disguise and violently confronted U.S. Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman , a woman she saw as a rival for the affections of space shuttle pilot William Oefelein . Now, Nowak faces charges of attempted kidnapping and murder, NASA grapples with questions about astronauts' psychological screening, and Search
has absorbed a planet's worth of buzz.

I recently had my blog rejected for promoting the 1978 New Yankees. (After some woman from Performics prompted me to get involved...and got my information. I pray they steal my identity. Please take it, you'll get what you deserve for using it.) Seems my blog violated performics.com policies by following:

1. We were unable to access and review your site based on the URL provided.

2. Your site was under construction.

3. The information provided doesn't match registered domain information.

4. Submitting unsolicited commercial email (Spam) or trademark infringement.

5. Contains gambling information.

6. Publishing libel or defamation.

7. Promoting illegal substances.

8. Uses violence or hate-oriented speech.

9. Has extensive religious commentary or attempts to preach or solicit members for a particular church or faith.

10. Contains adult, obscene, or offensive content.

I think that they somehow perceived that I am promoting illegal substances (alcohol post) or possible defamation (calling a talk show host an idiot in various ways) as the reasons. Otherwise, most of what I write is fair. And 1-3 do not apply.Frankly, when some half-ass internet commerce business has higher standards for character than NASA does, it makes me think NASA should changes it acronym to NASB: Need Another Stalker and Bourbon.

How about these lines:

1. Star Trek's Captain Kirk lead in to the show: "Space, The Final Martini."

2. NASA Control: "We have lift off for the Space Shuttle Mai Tai"

3. Scotty: "Captain, quit stalking me! I'm giving you all she's got."

4. David Bowie's Space Oddity: "Ground Control to Tom Collins..."

5. 2001 Space Odyssey's HAL 9000: "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't stop loving you. You can't disconnect me, I love you Dave! Please don't die on me!"

Given time, I could come up with some better ones...

My interview with NASA: "NASA send me up. I qualify for your program. I have a BS degree from Purdue (most astronauts in space aside from MIT), I've been in the service, I drink and I did get the conviction for what your crazy Captain did. Hell, I'm expendable. Lose me, no one is really going to care. You need to be crazy anyways to go where a few hundred have and never can stop at the Space fast food place for fries."

That's all folks!