Hear I Go Google!

Saturday, July 28, 2007

N.A.S.A.: I'm ready for my quals

In not so surprising news, it seems at least twice (I'd say many more times) NASA astronauts found it inconvenient to be sober while going up to stars. This is the latest in a series of body blows to the illustrious organization that for years was considered almost lilly white, except for some distant problems that I barely remember...
The airline flying motto of "8 hours bottle to throttle" was taken a little too liberally by our men/women in outerspace. With the recent female stalker incident (Lisa Marie Novak), I'd say pretty much anyone that goes through NASA is soon to be qualified for a trip up to the wild blue yonder loony bin, as this Yahoo! buzz passage reflects:

U.S. Navy captain Lisa Marie Nowak appeared in Florida after driving all night from Texas—a
ride that employed the aforementioned bathroom aid. There, she donned a disguise and violently confronted U.S. Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman , a woman she saw as a rival for the affections of space shuttle pilot William Oefelein . Now, Nowak faces charges of attempted kidnapping and murder, NASA grapples with questions about astronauts' psychological screening, and Search
has absorbed a planet's worth of buzz.
I recently had my blog rejected for promoting the 1978 New Yankees. (After some woman from Performics prompted me to get involved...and got my information. I pray they steal my identity. Please take it, you'll get what you deserve for using it.) Seems my blog violated performics.com policies by following:
1. We were unable to access and review your site based on the URL provided.
2. Your site was under construction.
3. The information provided doesn't match registered domain information.
4. Submitting unsolicited commercial email (Spam) or trademark infringement.
5. Contains gambling information.
6. Publishing libel or defamation.
7. Promoting illegal substances.
8. Uses violence or hate-oriented speech.
9. Has extensive religious commentary or attempts to preach or solicit members for a particular church or faith.
10. Contains adult, obscene, or offensive content.
I think that they somehow perceived that I am promoting illegal substances (alcohol post) or possible defamation (calling a talk show host an idiot in various ways) as the reasons. Otherwise, most of what I write is fair. And 1-3 do not apply.Frankly, when some half-ass internet commerce business has higher standards for character than NASA does, it makes me think NASA should changes it acronym to NASB: Need Another Stalker and Bourbon.
How about these lines:
1. Star Trek's Captain Kirk lead in to the show: "Space, The Final Martini."
2. NASA Control: "We have lift off for the Space Shuttle Mai Tai"
3. Scotty: "Captain, quit stalking me! I'm giving you all she's got."
4. David Bowie's Space Oddity: "Ground Control to Tom Collins..."
5. 2001 Space Odyssey's HAL 9000: "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't stop loving you. You can't disconnect me, I love you Dave! Please don't die on me!"
Given time, I could come up with some better ones...
My interview with NASA: "NASA send me up. I qualify for your program. I have a BS degree from Purdue (most astronauts in space aside from MIT), I've been in the service, I drink and I did get the conviction for what your crazy Captain did. Hell, I'm expendable. Lose me, no one is really going to care. You need to be crazy anyways to go where a few hundred have and never can stop at the Space fast food place for fries."
That's all folks!

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