Yesterday: My troubles seemed so far away

In what was not a particularly good post, I made some rash and narcissistic revealings on the cusp of my 35th. I'm not particularly proud of that garbino, but that is the nature of blogging (journaling.)

Things haven't changed much in the span of 20+ hours. They never really do unless they you are involved in a tragedy or Ed McMahon's Publisher's Clearing House prize crew finally shows up at your town home/flat/loft/cardboard box down on "Mainstreet."

I spent last night out with one of two friends I really have. (Their brothers, educated in technology, sports and visionary about the future...But they are just getting started.) Anyways, I meet up with Mark at this "club", Hooligans. It really big - and has a liquor special of $1 on any typical drink (Corona's, Miller's, you call it shots, etc.) So I did something I normally don't do - I got mildly intoxicated. Not staggering drunk, or even mildly off kilter, but I felt the effects of having one too many. (I had 4 beers and two shots - the shots pushed me over - in a span of 5 hours.)

Mark didn't know about how I felt beforehand - though we did discuss the story behind my recent years incarcerated. Which had been tangent to the prior post.

There are things you don't forget about behind bars.

The first time I saw a man get beat down by 5 others - just kicked to a pulp - leaves a lasting impression.

Or the time I had to go to the bathroom, and saw...two men doing, ya know... that leaves a pecular and distasteful mark.

Or the time I saw a man use a toilet paper roll, some foil (from God knows where), a match and some cocaine to satsify his addiction.

Or heard about a guy "fighting his way out" of a gang; he received two broken arms and a severe concussion from the beatdown.

After a guy received a lengthy sentence, he took a homemade shank and tried to slice this other man up. For his trouble, he got beat up by the ex-Marine he took on.

There's a list quite long and disgusting that runs through my mind. It's not because I like it or feel the prospect is close at hand that I'll go back. (I'm just tired of they way things are around me...not just about me...but this whole ball of wax we call Earth-World-America-Indiana.)

Earlier I put in quotations, "Mainstreet", which is a Bob Seger song I like when I decide to hear it. The lyrics don't fit the stirring guitar in the song; but I'll put them here to satisfy those who might be interested:

I remember standing on the corner at midnight
Trying to get my courage up
There was this long lovely dancer in a little club downtown
I loved to watch her do her stuff
Through the long lonely nights she filled my sleep
Her body softly swaying to that smoky beat

Down on mainstreet

In the pool halls, the hustlers and the losers
I used to watch 'em through the glass
Well I'd stand outside at closing time
Just to watch her walk on past
Unlike all the other ladies, she looked so young and sweet
As she made her way alone down that empty street

Down on mainstreet
And sometimes even now, when I'm feeling lonely and beat
I drift back in time and I find my feet
Down on mainstreet
Down on mainstreet

Here's the You Tube for those who want to see a 2007 performance with the sax doing the work of the stirring....



And another song that has its place in Music History...and this post, Peter Schilling's Major Tom in German...



In English...



Somehow you get the idea - I just don't know how it comes out to be an idea.

Auf Wiedersehen!!!

N.A.S.A.: I'm ready for my quals

In not so surprising news, it seems at least twice (I'd say many more times) NASA astronauts found it inconvenient to be sober while going up to stars. This is the latest in a series of body blows to the illustrious organization that for years was considered almost lilly white, except for some distant problems that I barely remember...

The airline flying motto of "8 hours bottle to throttle" was taken a little too liberally by our men/women in outerspace. With the recent female stalker incident (Lisa Marie Novak), I'd say pretty much anyone that goes through NASA is soon to be qualified for a trip up to the wild blue yonder loony bin, as this Yahoo! buzz passage reflects:

U.S. Navy captain Lisa Marie Nowak appeared in Florida after driving all night from Texas—a
ride that employed the aforementioned bathroom aid. There, she donned a disguise and violently confronted U.S. Air Force Captain Colleen Shipman , a woman she saw as a rival for the affections of space shuttle pilot William Oefelein . Now, Nowak faces charges of attempted kidnapping and murder, NASA grapples with questions about astronauts' psychological screening, and Search
has absorbed a planet's worth of buzz.

I recently had my blog rejected for promoting the 1978 New Yankees. (After some woman from Performics prompted me to get involved...and got my information. I pray they steal my identity. Please take it, you'll get what you deserve for using it.) Seems my blog violated performics.com policies by following:

1. We were unable to access and review your site based on the URL provided.

2. Your site was under construction.

3. The information provided doesn't match registered domain information.

4. Submitting unsolicited commercial email (Spam) or trademark infringement.

5. Contains gambling information.

6. Publishing libel or defamation.

7. Promoting illegal substances.

8. Uses violence or hate-oriented speech.

9. Has extensive religious commentary or attempts to preach or solicit members for a particular church or faith.

10. Contains adult, obscene, or offensive content.

I think that they somehow perceived that I am promoting illegal substances (alcohol post) or possible defamation (calling a talk show host an idiot in various ways) as the reasons. Otherwise, most of what I write is fair. And 1-3 do not apply.Frankly, when some half-ass internet commerce business has higher standards for character than NASA does, it makes me think NASA should changes it acronym to NASB: Need Another Stalker and Bourbon.

How about these lines:

1. Star Trek's Captain Kirk lead in to the show: "Space, The Final Martini."

2. NASA Control: "We have lift off for the Space Shuttle Mai Tai"

3. Scotty: "Captain, quit stalking me! I'm giving you all she's got."

4. David Bowie's Space Oddity: "Ground Control to Tom Collins..."

5. 2001 Space Odyssey's HAL 9000: "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't stop loving you. You can't disconnect me, I love you Dave! Please don't die on me!"

Given time, I could come up with some better ones...

My interview with NASA: "NASA send me up. I qualify for your program. I have a BS degree from Purdue (most astronauts in space aside from MIT), I've been in the service, I drink and I did get the conviction for what your crazy Captain did. Hell, I'm expendable. Lose me, no one is really going to care. You need to be crazy anyways to go where a few hundred have and never can stop at the Space fast food place for fries."

That's all folks!

More Driving Music: Just remembering the 80's

A few great bands/artists that for some reason get me going:

The Cult, "She Sells Sanctuary" - for movie buffs, in "With Honors" starring Dr. McDreamy



Madonna's "Into the Groove" from Barcelona...yeah, I like fucking Madonna, wanna fight about it???



Echo & the Bunnymen, "Lips Like Sugar" Great vocals...



Tears for Fears, "Break it Down Again" (It's from 1993, but hey, Everyone wants to rule the world...)



No Mas! No Mas! (Roberto Duran reference....)

Tears for Fears lyrics:

It's in the way you're always hiding from the light
See for yourself you have been sitting on a time bomb
No revolution maybe someone somewhere else
Could show you something new about you and your inner song
And all the love and all the love in the world
Won't stop the rain from falling
Waste seeping underground
I want to break it down

" No sleep for dreaming" say the architects of life
Big bouncing babies, bread and butter can I have a slice
They make no mention of the beauty of decay
Blue, yellow, pink umbrella save it for a rainy day
And all the love and all the love in the world
Won't stop the rain from falling
Waste seeping underground
I want to break it down

It's in the way you're always hiding from the light
Fast off to heaven just like Moses on a motorbike
No revolution maybe someone somewhere else
Could show you something new to help you
With the ups and downs
I want to break it down
Break it down again

Alcoholism: The plight of many people

In the news yesterday was the typical story about a 21-year old movie star that was arrested for DUI and cocaine possession. It was not a surprise given her bouts with alcohol abuse and the crowd she must, even in a alcoholic daze, say to herself: "why the fuck do I hang around with these jokers?"

I am trying to feel sorry for her and the life she is currently living, but I find it hard to feel anything for her. But in listening to another sports talk idiot (All Night with Jason Smith, ESPN Radio) he said, "Alcohol is a choice, not a disease." I wondered, is he an expert on anything related to alcoholism, or is he just another person that holds a fantastic grudge against someone that was actually an alcoholic?

My personal story with Alcohol:

I had my first alcoholic drink when I was 10 years old. My dad ran a bar in Tennessee for several years (on and off) and when my mother left me with him in 1982, after their violence-laden divorce, I had to stay in the motel behind the bar. I spent plenty of time in the place that summer, even when my dad was looking to "hook up" a woman of some sort. (Later, my mother came to get me after my dad got tired of me cramping his style then.)

The 1st time I got drunk was age 13, right after my grandfather died. Richard Zimmerman and I were at the Middle School football field shooting Tequila all night. We talked about the girls we had the hots for, and why we couldn't get with them. (We both were transplants from other schools. He moved to Lowell, IN the year after I did.) I threw up that night so hard, I bursted blood vessels in my head. (Purple splotches appeared all over my face.)

The 2nd time I got drunk was age 16, right after my dad went to the pokey for a while. It was at a typical high school party with plenty of intrigue between people because of boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. (I wound up hitting my then best friend after he teased me about God only knows what.) Anyways, the whole thing left me looking even worse when I exploded about life... I tended to do that. Especially when I know things could be better and should be better than they are. I wound up in the fetal position in a tent - and the WHOLE thing got recorded for prime time school listening a few days later....

College was pretty much a alcohol fest after I turned 21. (Though I did not go to a bar until 6 months after my 21st B-day. I waited until my then best friend turned 21.) I got arrested in 1995 on a PI. I tried to go to Taco Bell at 2:30 AM. I saw people eating, but the door was locked. Cop picks me up and I went to the jail for the night.

Two months later, I got arrested for a altercation between me and some Joe Smith (actual name.) He and his buddy decided to cause a situation with me. I say that without lying. It was a average night at a bar. And I had about 3 beers watching the Bulls kick the Supersonics brains in. As we both approached the bar, we bumped into each other. His first response: "Get the fuck out of the way." My response: "Who died and made you John Purdue?" He retorted: "You think your funny prick." Mine: "As funny as you are Mary." (At least I'd like to hope I could have said that.) Final remark by him: "Your mother 's a bitch." Mine: BLAMMM! (Shot to the jaw. He hit the floor. Bouncers removed me. I went to go home. Cops on bikes pulled up. Investigate. I get arrested for assault after he pressed charges.)

In 1999, I got drunk again and tried to take pills while in the Navy. That didn't work. I got Honorably Discharged for Alcohol Rehabiliation Failure (failure being a term I know pretty well.)

In late 2000-2001, after 18 months sober, I relapsed. That happens.

After 4 more years of forced sobriety, I was back on the wagon. Nevertheless, I've fallen off it a few times. I have no one that forces or assists me in the pursuit. (No AA, people use GOD in that too much. I've heard enough sermons from Dad and the Catholic Church.)

Rather, I consume about 2-3 beers a week now. Not at any particular time or need to, just do it to socialize and forget that I am termed an Alcoholic. Maybe a bunch of self-medication is part of the theory I pose to myself.

I'm a functional Alcoholic, meaning I can do enough to not be in a gutter or in/out of a rehab center. I couldn't afford the bills -unlike Ms. Lohan. (The prompter of this blog.)

Given the world around me, I guess I would like to think I channel Hemingway, Fitzgerald or some other writer-alkie in my thoughts. I don't, of course. But they would be my drinking buddies if I had the druthers of it. Even though I could not keep up with their thoughts.

I realize HOW serious the subject is. But I also figure it has not even been my biggest obstacle, as odd as that may seem to a soberite. My biggest wall has been escaping the family and home life I grew up in, rather alone. Loneliness surrounds me daily. It's a dark man with robes that kill on contact, metaphorically, and drains my existence into his all-you-can-go-to-blazes cess pool.

When I heard Mr. Smith goes to the back of the class prattle on about Lindsey being not an alcoholic, I wanted to either congratulate him for being another Hollywood basher or strangle him for being such a fucking toolbox that wouldn't know real trouble if it fell on him from on Hosanna in the Highest high.

We all have to deal with life. Some unfortunately get to use alcohol as their escape. (And I know you don't have to. And if you don't, don't OK!)

Take care and stay sober!

Laziness & the Baseball Book: What I am up against sometimes

I've not been posting as much about things lately. Whether they be current events, analysis of baseball or shorts that aren't really short stories at all. It's not because I am too lazy.

For one, I get caught up in writing at home (I do this at the library because even a cheap internet connection is too pricey for me right now) and reading over what I am doing.

Writing a book is almost a totally new experience. (I attempted a novella of about 150-200 pages about 6 years ago.) The amount of facts related to baseball is nearly endless. Plenty of angles to take. Tying it all together in a cohesive unit is quite a challenge. Maybe more than I can handle.

The short outline is this:

Preface
1. Introduction

2. Taft/Coolidge Era (1908-1935)
2.1. Hitting: Babe Ruth and Power Surge I
2.2. Pitching: Starters and Relievers
2.3. Fielding: Errors Made and Changes to the Craft
2.4. Equality: The Negro Leagues

3. FDR Era (1936-1949)
3.1. Ballparks: Configurations and a Rough Analysis
3.2. Runs: Bill James and Peter Palmer Formulae
3.3. Teams: Building through Scouting, Free agency and Trades
3.4. General Managers: The New Moneyball Breed
3.5. Ballplayers: Best by Position

4. IKE Era (1950-1963)
4.1. Center Fielders: 16 Men That Changed The Game
4.2. Ballplayers: Best by Position

5. LBJ Era (1964-1977)
5.1. Stadiums: Dodger Stadium and the Houston Astrodome
5.2. Drugs: Jim Bouton’s Ball Four
5.3. Free Agency: Curt Flood & The U.S. Supreme Court
5.4. Stealing: Weapon of choice for Whitey Herzog
5.5. Ballplayers: Best By Position

6. Carter Era (1978-1991)
6.1. Rotisserie: Birth of a Multi-million Dollar Franchise
6.2. Bad Management & Trades: Boston Red Sox and the Chicago Cubs

7. Clinton Era (1992-2005)
7.1. Salaries: Repayment for 100 years of the Reserve Clause
7.2. Steroids: Analysis of When, What and How the Game Changed

8. Bush Era: 2006 and Beyond

Bibliography
Appendices

I'd be the first to admit that I don't know everything about baseball. I learnt plenty of factoids and things in reading (and skimming) over 150 different books on the subject. Add to that, 100s of internet articles and websites, and you get the idea...

I didn't start out with the ERA concept until later...

What I am getting at is: This is my first time trying to take facts, tabulation of numbers, all the statistical anaylsis (linear regression, ANOVA, t-tests, etc.) and put it to use in a baseball study.
400 plus 1 1/2 spaced pages , about 130,000 words, not counting about 50 pages of Appendix.

I've made about 30 graphs, 6 Diagrams, 30 tables, and plenty of pictures inserted that need copyright clearance before I publish.

I am also waiting on 3 things:
1) Bonds and his pursuit of Hank Aaron and the Steroids investigation around him
2) Cubs being sold to the highest bidder (Mark Cuban?)
3) Cubs winning a pennant (Yeah, you heard me)

In November, I'll know these things.