For several years and several reasons, I've been stuck in the non-urban, country town a.k.a. 'Hicksville' that is Lowell, Indiana. It is a deplorable place filled with ultra-conservative, FOX- watching, bible-thumping, tobacco chewing and smoking fools that just do not get the 21st century or the implications of the last thirty seasons of discontent. Responsibility for the United States demise does not compute in their minds. Oh, they blame perceived social ills like gay marriage, abortion and crime for the deterioration of the American Dream. Thinking Reagan got something right. Meanwhile, the magnitude of the real problem steems from economic problems triggered by their GOD, Reagan, and his disciples, BUSH I and II, and Clinton's less-than-liberal leaning economic path.
But that is not the reason I write this 250th post.
Rather, my fuel comes from a volatile home situation that is no longer worth saving. In numerous posts prior, I have basically stated why my family is as backward and unchanging as those conservatives, while, at least pretending to be liberal about some issues. (Mother votes DEMO; aunt does not vote at all.)
The economic problems at home are torturous. They are unyielding to reason, logic, mild irritation, anger and threats to leave. The last is my only option.
Now, I have made my mistakes -documented in many, many posts - and I pay (paid) for them just to see that in my efforts to get turned around, they are unable to make the same concessions and efforts.
So, as I am at least free to report that I haven't been convicted of a crime in 7 years - I have to leave them behind. Let them do the paper route I've done (on their behalf) for 4+ years while garnering less than a minimum wage for myself. That would not bother me, IF, IF, they would pay their bills right, get decent transportation and show some learning about finances. My mother just cleared her 1st bankruptcy, yet, she does not get it.
But it is her unconditional love for her sister that is the final straw. She allows her to make dumb decision after dumb decision - car rentals for 7 weeks (of $1,500) while her minivan had a $100 problem - and covers for her, like she just is not capable of better. Her sister has enough intellect and controlling behavior to do the right thing, but she does not.
Instead she (my aunt) does it to annoy and infuriate me. (She compares me to my father. A terrible and horrible guy - and I am not him. Yet, that's the damage being done to me.)
So, it is time to leave Lowell. I never liked it - nor did I have good reason to stay with these jokers called my family. My mother and I are no longer a rewarding relationship. She picked her sister over me - and more to the point - she chooses to allow her to do whatever she wants.
I'll have a bus ticket, $250 and a bag full of clothes and the book I am writing on baseball. That's it. I have no real friends; that can help. The ticket is to Baltimore, but I need to change it to further South or somewhere else.
I made this plan in January rashly. But now, it just behooves me to escape for good.
Smallville has held me back - and after living elsewhere, it does not have to be SIN CITY to please. I just can not stay the course of insanity to please my mother. AND I don't ever think (now) that she cared at all for me. Tolerated is all am to her.
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