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Thursday, May 24, 2007

Art of Language: Do you speak their tongue? Please Comment

Since the beginning, there has been a disconnect in language. I am not going all biblical on you, because I am not the expert on that "language" and don't want to offend. But certain professions have really taken to making their language so convoluted, so tiring to read and "understand" that most people have to buy a translator - thus making a deal with the devil usually because those hired translators are not always beholden to tell it straight.

The ones I think of that do this well:
  • Lawyers. If Shakespeare in King Henry the VI had not made famous the phrase - "kill all the lawyers" - who else would have? Just about anyone who has had dealings with the law can relate some experience where they are doing you any way they can. (Shakespeare had bad dealings with them too.) Their language includes quasi-Latin, since it is just bits and pieces of long ago utter words. Most of the time they use 50 word phrases to express to the party of the third party what the hell they 3rd party was to give in consideration to the first party, where the aforemention, 1st party did not know the 2nd party was oblivious to the generalities and recourses of the law herein, wherefore and towith....Whew! Lots of words, little or no sense.
  • Medical Doctors. These people get trained for how many years? At least a decade of university before they specialize in one particular field. And after all that education, many will not lock into a diagnosis and a treatment that works well. Besides that, they talk either down to you, or make for a poor conversation about what the problems are. They use Latin better than lawyers, but not much better.
  • Pyscharists/Quacks. Their language does everything to distance themselves from the patient. They sit down often to contemplate the meaning of your words, nod often, and use phrases such as Rational Emotive Therapy to make you feel they are giving you a solution. They prescribe the latest pills - and do that well - and distance themselves from caring. Their language often leaves a person wishing they talked to a phone sex operator at $2.99/minute.
  • Financial Analysts. Go long. Sell Short. EBITDA. Quick Ratios. Trends. Technical Analysis. These people talk about money as much as possible, just the language is so confusing to the average bloat off the street. You can see graphs they produce, understand that, but if they really want to get you in a hot stock/mutual fund, they say something so arcane, but explain it as: "you'll make a lot of money if you do it." Even doctors don't understand them and they speak an ancient language, whereas the business world is full of acronyms, quips and ha-has only a money manager understands.
  • Engineers, Physics, Computer and Math people. Now, we all know how MDAS works. (My Dear Aunt Sally) is the tool we learned to know what operations in math come first. But the Engineers and Math people take numbers to a whole new level. Calculus is easy compared to the high minded logical number crunchers reality in 3 or 4 dimensions. Laplace Transform is child's play in these techno geeks little minds. They use symbols to represent universe motion and identity. They convert 20 symbols down to one answer in 200 or more lines of code. Won't socialize with outsiders in their realm and laugh at average joe stupidity in math.

There are many more, but that's enough. If you speak their tongue, leave a comment that most "non-speakers" could not understand.

All in good fun!!!

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