I'm pretty tired of the way things are. I've slipped back into some less-than-beneficial habits, like going to the bars with a few people that have been pretty good friends. I like them both, good guys and they have their lives going in the right direction, but it has put me in a less-than-ideal environment for me...
Whatever dreams I hope to accomplish are not going to "get done" with friendships made in bars.
Don't get me wrong, I haven't been out more than once-twice per week this summer. And I usually spend less than $20.
But last night, between gas ($20), a goodwill purchase of two shirts ($10), food ($12) and some unhealthy $5 shots bought for myself, an old classmate and the shot girl ($15) and my own debauchery ($15 for 4 beers plus tips) in the course of 5 hours, I spent $80...and it hurt. And I did it all to rechristen an old bar in a New Location.
After getting my stipend from the paper route of $180, it was nearly half gone in one night. Most of the cash made on this route ($1,600) goes to my mom for bills. The remaining 25% goes for gas, oil changes and entertainment and necessities...(clothes, printer ink, paper,etc.)
So I'm through with going out. As stir crazy as I get at home, between the gas, and the money, I can't afford it.
As much as I like the unwitty conversations you can have with the opposite sex, there are books to read too.
Today I checked out, Barack's The Audacity of Hope and Gardner's The Pursuit of Happyness. I'd skimmed through Barack's at Barnes and Noble. And watched the Will Smith movie.
Anywho, I just feel it is time for me to leave some of this crap behind. Maybe listen to the messages in those two books or figure out where I should be going in life.
Things I know:
- I dislike the Midwest. I'm so sick of Indiana, Lake County, Lowell and any other place where people have a attitude.
- Delivering papers isn't bad -- but it isn't much of a life. For 31+ months, I have dutifully put papers on people driveways, boxes and porches. About 200,000 papers all total. But I did that when I was 13, 14, 15 before I went to wash dishes for a cheapskate, cocaine-using, alcoholic of an Italian restaurant owner.
- Family is not that important to me anymore. God love her, but my mother has no stones. She procrastinates things she need to do. (Credit counseling & Bankruptcy) She doesn't stand up to my OCD Aunt that has been the same person for the 25+ years I've had the misfortune to know her. 13 cats run our house. That's right we have 13 cats that eat well, shite well, sleep comfortably and nuzzle pretty good too. It wouldn't bother me to have 1-2 cats, even 3, but 13! Rudy, Cutie, Fluffo, Skidz, Calico, Snickers, Bonnie, Clyde, Duff, Clem, Bootsie, Stubby and Stinky all are good cats. Just wish some of them had a better home. (I have allergies too.) They cost more than I really know. I don't get the opportunity to manage the money, though I make half of it. The house is falling apart - and neither aunt or mom has any plans to change anything - so I have to accept. Being I degreed in Industrial Engineering, this pains me. ("Change" engineers is the best description of that degree.)
- The isolation isn't bad, if you can avoid most people. I'm a social person, and so are you. But I no longer find much stimulating about people. New experiences would help this. But I'm not getting them in a 2-stop light town, with a slew of problems. I'm a traveling sort, and the more the better. I like busy and focused to taking it easy. But if I can't do that, isolation isn't bad. Prison taught me that.
Well that's all for 2 -3 weeks. It's been a blast...this summer.